Matrimony - The 51st State

“I do.” Did I really say that? I must have, the justice announced we are now husband and wife. Didn’t anyone object? Stan is looking at me, smiling. This man smiling so broadly has become my fourth husband. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me a third and then a fourth time, I guess I have no shame. I have entered into that thing they call the state of matrimony again.

He really has a nice smile. I love the way his eyes crinkle up. He looks so full of hope and love. Looking at his openness and lack of fear, you would think this was his first time at this. But I know that is not true; we had to list the number of marriages on the marriage license. Stan had been married once before, but he called that his starter marriage. I guess that means this is the ender marriage.

Stan seems like he has so little baggage coming into this relationship. I, on the other hand, will be packing mine for a long time. It is not that I am against marriage; it is just that I have found I am better at being single. Until meeting Stan, I was committed to remaining single and happy. Stan really swept me off my feet in a whirlwind romance.

Lost in my thoughts, I feel Stan take my hand and walk me through the congratulatory line of friends. Most of them are either his or mine since we have not known each long enough to have shared friends.

That wasn’t true with my first husband. Tom and I had become involved in our freshman year in college, living together most of our years at college, and for the two years following graduation. While students, neither one of us thought we needed the trappings of marriage to be committed to each other. We made that commitment under a full moon, with all of our friends in a circle around us beating tom-tom drums. Two years out of school and in the real work world, we turned in the tom-toms, and got married with the full regalia, and most of the same friends there to congratulate us. In less than a year, Tom had walked out the door and headed to work in Wall Street, with our neighbour’s husband as his new partner.

Stan turns to get both of us a glass of champagne. At the same time, I move and bump into Judy. Judy is one of my oldest friends. She gives me a big hug. I can tell she is working hard to not make a sarcastic remark about my fourth walk down the aisle. Judy has been at all my weddings but the first. She was my maiden of honour at the second wedding, and maid of honour at the third. This time I skipped the attendants, preferring a cosier less formal ceremony.

Judy actually met her husband at my second wedding. That was my marriage to Juan. Juan was from Mexico, and a very Latin male. We had a major Spanish extravaganza for our wedding, with all his relatives and friends joining us for the celebration. The Latin music played all evening, and his friends taught me all the dances. Juan got jealous as I danced the night away, and sulked most of the evening, and for the next 14 months of our marriage.

As Judy turns to congratulate Stan, he hands me my glass of champagne. The bubbles tickle my noise, and remind me of the giddiness I am feeling. I can’t help myself as I begin to giggle. Apparently it becomes contagious, as both Stan and Judy begin to giggle as well. One of the things I love about Stan is his enjoyment of my silliness, my playful inner child. Although we have only known each other for the last five months, I have laughed more with him than any of the previous husbands.

Certainly it wasn’t possible to laugh with Tim, my third husband, a professor of philosophy at the local university. Tim took himself, and everyone around him, very seriously. He really never saw the humour in anything. He hated Judy because she was so full of fun, he thought she was frivolous. We didn’t own a television set because it was a wasteland, and the only movies we went to see were dark foreign films that could reassure Tim that the world was in a state of doom and gloom. I would sneak off with Judy to see the latest bestseller films. I would never admit this betrayal to him. One day, about three years into our marriage, Judy and I were leaving the latest light comedy, and we bumped into Tim also leaving the movie, with a young, blonde student draped on his arm.

After that, I swore off marriage, and yet, here I am at my fourth wedding, giggling with my fourth husband. Stan takes my hand and takes me into dance, swirling me around somewhat to the beat of the music. It is our first time dancing, but neither of us is hesitant as we move together to the music.

Stan and I met on line. I know I said I wanted to be single, but that didn’t mean I wanted to be dateless or celibate the rest of my life. Also, Judy talked me into it. Judy loves to give dinner parties, and likes to have an even number of guests. As her best friend, she doesn’t feel like she can leave me out. She researched a few on line dating services, and suggested a user name – Lost but Looking, and worked up an initial profile. Although I didn’t take all of her suggestions, I did try the online service and that’s where I met Stan. I was about to quit the idea, after a few disaster dates, when Stan showed up on my list. We met, and five months later we are husband and wife.

I feel like I am beginning to breathe again, but it might be the effects of the champagne. All night I have been in a cloud, not sure that any of this has really happened, until I look up at Stan and realize we are really here together, at our wedding. I have walked down that aisle again with a man that I haven’t known long, but he can laugh at life and himself, and he enjoys my friends and my silliness. Knowing someone well might just be over rated.