The Collector

I seem to collect characters in my life the same way others collect coins or stamps. I remember many from my high school drama crowd, but I really perfected the art after I entered college. During my third year at the University, I moved into “the house,” a perfectly charming turn of the century two story building. Originally there were four of us Lyndi, Carol, Janine and myself. We met during our first year in the dorms, and thought we would make good housemates and friends forever. We liked to call ourselves the Gang of Four.

Over the next few years, the original gang of four became a crowd of many. We added several new faces – both people and pets. We learned that the Gang of Four might not be the best of housemates or the best of friends. As old faces moved out, new faces moved in. The many additions to the “house” included live ins, live outs and hanger on-ers. At times it was hard to tell the difference between the actual residents and the visitors.

The first additions to the house were the varied and a sundry stranger than truth pets that became a part of the general scenery. First there was my dog, Garbanzo Huckleberry Bean Hart. Garbanzo was a very sweet mutt, but had a nervous condition in his back legs that caused him to shake, creating the sensation that he was dancing. Then we had Lyndi’s dog, Rigor-mortis, a true Heinz 57 variety. Unfortunately, Riggy, as we called him, lived up to his name when he met an early death. During the funeral which we held in our back yard, rigor mortis set in to poor Rigor-mortis, and consequently we had to dig deeper and deeper to get him buried. Carol then added her dog, a Lhasa Apsa that answered to the name of Muffy, a tiny dog with an overbite that made her look like Mick Jagger. There were a variety of other pets in the house as well including Nanny, the police dog who attacked males with beards, and the one lone cat in the crowd, Hilda. Hilda was especially good at catching birds and bringing them into the house as treats for the rest of us. Henry’s boa constrictor added a whole new dimension .

The people were almost, if not more, colorful than the assorted pets. One of the originals who moved out early was Janine. She was convinced she was the mother of us all, and consistently laid down the house rules. Although she seemed to have her act together, it turned out that she had been pretending to attend school for the last two years of her college education. This only became evident when her parents and fiancé showed up for her non-existent graduation ceremonies.

And then there was Marlee. We never knew what her name had been before she had it legally changed to Marlee, no last name, just Marlee. I guess she was inspired by Cher, but unlike Cher, one name didn’t necessarily tell it all. When she moved into the house, she took over a hall closet for her bedroom. It was years later that I found out that she had actually had been in the closet those years.

Lenny became a fixture when he moved his van into the backyard. He actually lived in the van, and would periodically come in to shower and take advantage of 20th century indoor plumbing. When we first met Lenny he was a straight laced tennis player, but by the time he moved into the backyard, something had happened to him. Not too many years ago, he was spotted still dressed in his long flowing robes and blonde Rasta locks that became his persona.

I can’t forget to mention Bruce. He took over a room one summer when several of the house mates decided to travel. It was then I really learned the concept of exhibitionism. Luckily he was gone fairly quickly, but it was certainly an eye opener.

And, of course there was Shirley, the kleptomaniac, Sue the existentialist, Charlie, the so-called car mechanic and Jim the environmentalist. There was also Tina the folk singer, and Harold, whose six foot girlfriend would show up for every holiday at midnight dressed in costume. You can’t imagine the fright of seeing a six foot Easter bunny jumping around a room at midnight.

After a few years in “the house”, I decided it was time to move on. The overflow of animals and people no longer felt like home, but more like being a part of a circus.

I returned a few years ago on a business trip, and found my way back to the old place. It was empty and had a condemned sign on the front. I am confident that there were many lives and many stories enclosed in those walls, and possibly numerous animals buried in the backyard. My own experience was a brief time in its history but for me it will always loom as my best collection of characters.